What would you do if it was your last day on Earth? Would you spend it with your loved ones? Would you get in your car and just drive until you ran out of gas or road (whichever comes first)? Or would you go to your favorite restaurant and order your favorite thing on the menu? And if so, what would you do if that restaurant was, for whatever reason, out of what you wanted? Maybe it’s a really fancy risotto and everyone orders it and they just don’t have any more that night, or maybe it’s a restaurant that you haven’t been to for a while and they changed their menu without you knowing because it’s been too long and you’re like wait, the lambneck ragu is off your menu? And they tell you yeah, sorry, there were some shakeups in the kitchen and that was Claude’s dish and he went to go open his own restaurant in Marfa, Texas with his new girlfriend who is, apparently, awful, so he sort of was the only one fighting for it to stay on the pasta list but the new head chef Alice kind of thinks pasta is on it’s way out as a fine dining trend and is moving more towards seafood and some rice dishes, and you’re like, well I hate to be a dick, but do you have the ingredients back there? I don’t care, I’ll pay extra. And they’re like, whoa you trying to big time me? Who do you think you are, Jay-Z? And you kind of look at them sideways like what does this have to do with Jay-Z and they tell you that once Jay-Z came into the restaurant and basically ordered off the menu because he really just wanted to eat a steak fajita plate with some chard and when he asked if they had steak, chard, and peppers and they said yes, he was like well can’t you just chop up the steak and put all of that in a skillet and dig up a tortilla or 3? And he was right, they could, so they did it, because some good press about a famous rap mogul getting what he wanted at their restaurant could really help their now sagging business (because let’s face it Luna’s is simply in the WRONG neighborhood for such upscale dining) but he didn’t even Instagram his meal or tweet about it or anything and no one got a picture with him so NO, we’re not going to make you your ‘favorite” dish for no reason and what do you even mean it’s your last night on Earth?
Would you do that, and maybe then just order the salmon because you’ve had it before and it’s not bad but sometimes the sauce is a little heavy? And then a few hours later your human form falls away revealing your alien lizard body and your spaceship comes back for you so you can return to your home planet and report your findings?
I mean, you know, just asking hypothetically.
lol at all these moms who are like “beyonce is a terrible role model dancing around in stripper clothes!!!” as though they don’t “like” Madonna on facebook.
i am officially out of the whole online dating game. The people who I was interested enough to message back kept deleting their profiles and the ones that couldn’t take a hint that NO I’M NOT GOING TO TALK TO YOU IF YOU DON’T HAVE A FACE (cuz fuck you i had 10 pics up) texts me once a month to tell me how uncool I am followed up with a message that says, “i think i felt your aura on the dance floor” at the place i was dancing last night
everything our parents warned us about re: the internet has become my personal nightmare
Just sitting at the bus stop trying not to bawl my eyes out because even though I did all the responsible things I needed to do today, it doesn’t mean I haven’t failed at most everything else lately and I finally heard the words “I’m disappointed in you” and get to have a “talk” tomorrow and I want to die. Like just not exist right now. I feel useless and miserable and alone and I wish there was an off switch. But since there’s not I’ll probably get drunk at home tonight to wash that shit down. I’m a whole fucking mess.
I am really trying to be so calm but I am entirely annoyed and am probably going to have a breakdown in the middle of this DMV if I can’t get my license because New Guy at the front sent me on an hour long journey to get a money order that’s TWO DOLLARS LESS than the fee I need to pay. I am trying, so so hard. Cool day to quit smoking.
I haven’t felt this tired in a thousand years
I am very laughably content with things, that’s good enough to sleep on, no?