May 2012
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I may have never met you, and this is crazy, but... →
so stop hating, y’all.
Carly Rae Jepson is 26 years old and idgaf, and neither should you.
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There are only a handful of people that I still somewhat keep in contact with from Kissimmee, and we catch up and talk about our lives, following up with the updates we’ve gathered from facebook about other people we know from high school.
Almost everyone who didn’t leave for college is married and/or pregnant and/or has babies. It’s been two years.
Apparently this is more...
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Not gonna lie, coming home to visit was way better when my parents were fat and apathetic about it. They used to go out to eat all the time, and now all there is to eat is nutrisystem muffins and steak-umms they bought for me.
Everyone is hungry and miserable and I don’t get why this is a lifestyle choice that my family has made.
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Had a dream I was escaping something or somewhere in this basket hanging down from an airplane when I landed in a sky-zoo (a zoo in the sky.) This guy led me around and we were on one of those pedal boats and I was touching his leg. When we got out we walked around and he kissed me and then I had to ask him to stop because my lips were too dry but to get back to me later. Then we found some free...
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dickpicoftheartist replied to your photo: Why don’t I get messages anymore?
have you ever met up with someone from okc?
Once. Well three times with the same dude. He was actually an alright guy, but I wasn’t into him and then he got all offended and mean. He left it at a facebook message thanking me for introducing him to some c00l tv shows (but he also hoped he didn’t get “a...
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I am a good friend.
Hey Luis,
Stop reading my st00pid tumblr posts and acknowledge the beautiful things I’ve left on your facebook wall/timeline/whatever.
Obviously you don’t have to like those posts. Or even “like” them.
They’re not very nice.
All the same.
xoxo
“I walked into your house this morning
I brought the gun from our end table...”
– When is this ever appropriate to post on facebook?
Like if someone didn’t comment that they loved this “song” I would have thought I was fb friends with a weird bragging murderer.
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My grandmother asked my mom and I if we had heard of “that book…Fifty Shades of Grey! What’s that about? I mean I don’t know! I’m not gonna buy it!”
Not-too-interesting realizations
My uncle (who I never see but maybe every few years) asked me how school was going and asked if I was still doing theater stuff and what I was studying and all that. I told him I’m involved with Insomnia Theater (a twice a semester 24-hour written, directed, performed set of short plays that are super awesome.) He looked at me and said, “You ever think you want to just stick with...
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I think the love of my life just found me.
Be jealous.
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Dear Brain,
Can I make a request that you stop dropping people I don’t want to ever think about ever (like EVER) again in my dreams? That’d be sweet. Also, can we stop with the weird elevator bullshit? That shit is not only scary, but it NEVER brings me to the correct floor, and it takes me some embarrassing amount of time entering a place I’m not supposed to be to realize it....
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Three generations
Grandma: You know, I talked to your cousin or stepbrother, or WHATEVAH he is to ya.
Mom: They're my cousins and my stepbrothers.
Me: Yeah, it made it really difficult to make a family tree in the sixth grade. Just so you know.
I’ve had a lot of nightmares. Even some terrifying, I never want to sleep again, god-help-me-if-you-maybe-ever-actually-exist kind of nightmares. But the silliest one has to be where I look in the mirror and I’m HAIRY ALL OVER.
Gorilla style hairy.
Never-gonna-find-a-good-enough-razor-even-in-the-men’s-section hairy.
Pretty in Pink
It’s probably pathetic to reminisce about something that happened a little over a week ago, but I just want to say that this is probably the best worst photo in the history of me:
Maybe this isn’t as weird as I think it is….but why are high school students on OkCupid?
When I was on the verge of graduation, dating was the LAST thing on my mind. (It’s about the last thing on my mind now, aside from maybe being an animorph or something.)
I did have a conversation today about how I’d much rather be a cat than a human. Or maybe a dog. My little bro was...
“Just when you thought he couldn’t get any weirder, he did.”
– Selina Meyer (is me.)
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Have you ever been present for the birth of puppies or kittens and the momma cat/dog is too busy trying to bite open the sack from the first baby animal and so you feel compelled to break open the next one so the ugly thing doesn’t DROWN and the mother pet is like “AHAHAH, I AIN’T WORKIN’ NOW THAT YOU GOT THIS COVERED!” ????
That’s how I imagine my eyes...
“Oh my gosh! Do you think you can fly back here tonight just for the party, then...”
– my best friend left me a voicemail
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ripslich asked: what's the digits on text/phone/fb/uh huh? like what do people use in your scene, has social networking replaced texting? what's next? oh, and please call me on my banana-phone. 1-800-GOR-ILLA
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aerogare asked: Which Scooby Doo character do you identify with the most?
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thenewhotness asked: What are 5 things you hope happen for yourself in the next 12 months.
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doloreslandingham asked: WHAT'S IN YOUR SALSA do your parents still try to embarrass you even though you're a grownup
I'm eating homemade salsa and watching NBC Nightly... →
Pleasepleaseplease entertain/ask/bother me.
Things I don’t miss about Florida (a list:)
-constant humidity
-gnat swarms
-needing a car to go anywhere (which I currently don’t have!)
-the fear of finding a dead body on my walk to the gas station
-preteen girls judging me in public
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So my mom handed me this packet that lists her mother’s family line which dates back to Edward Slaymaker of Holton, Oxfordshire, born 1849. He married a housemaid in Portsmouth in 1883.
Her name was Mary Jane Goodfellow.
Megan's guide to visiting home for three weeks:
At any point in time, remind your little brother that you can always beat the shit out of him.
When your parents start fighting and try to bring you into it, leave the house. Take a walk.
Take long walks, even if you’re sunburned. It keeps you in shape.
Buy cigarettes and immediately realize going home is the worst time to try and quit smoking.
When all else fails, read Game of...
Morning tv is really bizarre. Actually, any news-like program I’ve watched lately is really weird. Morning Express just showed a 15 second segment about how this protective combat underwear helped save a soldier, and then they showed the soldier, who lost his leg. But the lady behind the desk assured me that the underwear “greatly reduces injuries to the pelvic region”...
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You know what’s less sexy than someone rubbing sunscreen on your back? Not putting sunscreen on at all and rubbing Aloe Vera onto your burning hot skin your goddamn self.
Mom: Are you like that? Do you just have a hard time letting go of things? You have to keep everything?
Me: Yes...
Mom: Why?
Me: I don't know. You raised me.
Klout scores are like the new tumblarity.
I’m apparently an expert on “Adobe” and “Cafes” but actually I just tweeted once about a Mexican restaurant in Philly called Adobe Cafe.
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My parents basically told me today that if I keep doing things that make me stress out that it’s going to kill me. I finally found something to swim in so I’m gonna go walk up to the pool and read and tan and pretend like there’s absolutely nothing else I could be doing.
Smell ya later!
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Words still haunting me
Me: Am I more carefree or intense?
Nara: Intense.
Luis: Intense.
Me: Really?
Luis: You give a lot of fucks. A LOT of fucks. Even when you're not giving a fuck, you give a fuck about not giving a fuck.
Me: But...
Luis: See. You're being intense right now.
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A probably really embarrassing story about library...
After my last essay of the semester was finished, I took the one book I thought I needed that I borrowed from the library and returned it. I got an email the next day thanking me for returning my “E-Z Borrow Book,” assured that it would be returned to its proper location soon. This was followed up by another email telling me I owed $7 for the overdue charge. Needless to say, this...
“I keep looking over and…I just want to tell you to pop it ‘cause it...”
– Dad, on the nose ring.
:(
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MISSING: Megan’s bathing suits.
LAST SEEN: July 2011.
IF YOU HAVE ANY INFORMATION: Contact me.